Lost and Found

Dear Eugene,
I work in the entertainment industry for a design firm that does posters and trailers and junk. I have a lot of pressure on me to sell and bring in work from the big studios.
How can I 1) get the attention of studio executives without kissing ass and 2) Undermine my boss, since he gets all the credit for my work?
Jack

Dear Jack:
You have an age old problem. How do you get the people who are above your boss to understand that it's your work that is so valuable?
Frame him for a crime. A fashion crime is easiest, but a real crime is more effective. Speak up in meetings and don't be shy about claiming responsibility for your work. Start more sentences with, "I thought of..." and end with "I am fun at parties."

Dear Eugene,
My wife will not let me get her another Women to play with in bed what shall I do?
Elk

Dear Elk,
You can't "get" a woman. That is not how it works, asshole. A woman is made from stuff around house.

Dear Eugene,
should I leave my girlfriend
and go back to my husband
and four children
Zenbaby

Dear Zenbaby,
It depends. Do you have love in your heart? You should go back to at least two of the kids. The middle ones. The other two will be fine. The middle kids blame themselves for your separation. Children, in fact, often blame themselves whenever anything goes wrong. I know a kid who thinks the Middle East crisis is his fault. (It's not).
Your dilemma basically pits some of America's favorite issues together: lesbianism, motherhood, and marriage. In a way, you are lucky, because what you choose to do will be a blueprint for our government's official policy. Please let me know how it turns out!

Hi Eugene.
On my first day at school, I sat down on the playground floor in my grey school shorts onto a wasp which stung the back of my thigh. It made me cry. This attracted lots of attention. I looked up and there were thousands of girls laughing and pointing at me.
Tell me if you think this has anything to do with the fact I now find it difficult to maintain a relationship with a girl.
Thanks.
John

Dear John,
No. I don't think it does. You sound slightly overweight. That's probably the reason. Good luck with everything.

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